I figure there’s a decent chance Putin will trigger a nuclear holocaust by releasing Trump’s peepee tape, so it can’t hurt to be prepared with some emergency rations.

Prime members today can get a bucket with a month’s supply of food for $84, an all-time low. Just add water, and you’ll enjoy meals like “creamy chicken rice,” “elbow macaroni,” and “hearty vegetable chicken soup,” all of which are delicious, I’m sure.